so. here’s the big news. i am being transferred for the first time and i am leaving ryazan on thursday….and i know im a terrible missionary because missionaries have to be flexible and trusting and brave and go with the flow and accept change but i’ve lived in ryazan for 7 months and it is my home and i have family here and sister carver is my other half and i am useless without her and we are One and so teaching is so easy and there’s so much progress right now and everything’s about to take off and i’m selfish and want to be a part of it! and saying goodbye to our baby branch literally ripped my heart out and when president sorenson called i somehow pulled off saying “ok. great. thanks” and in my head i was saying like hot rod “i can handle it” but then i threw a tantrum after we hung up and i felt like i was simultaneously reliving being dumped by every boyfriend i’ve ever had  x100000. hah so dramatic., but it’s true. sister carver and i were just beside ourselves when we found out and we’ve gone through all the stages of denial and depression and we thought that maybe doing “bella yells” from new moon would help. it did. sorry neighbors. we refer to this night by quoting Princess Bride and saying, “I DIED that day!”

 
 BUT now im acting like a mature, calm, representative of the Lord and I am ready for this new challenge and i know i need to push myself beyond my comfort zone–ryazan is too comfortable for me now, and i need to grow and this is how. I know that the Lord’s plans are always better than our own and this is His work, not mine, and I want to do it His way. I will never forget yesterday’s sacrament meeting, my last in Ryazan. I started crying with Elder Ottley (who was conducting–and is the husband of the senior couple) announced that I was leaving. and then when he bore his testimony he talked about how we came to russia on the same plane and we’ve only ever been together and i’m a daughter to them now and he said, “and i see her with tears rolling down her face and i know how much she loves this branch” hahahaha well they quadrupled once he said that and everyone was looking at me–it was like when someone says, “look! she’s blushing!” doesn’t help haha but then he turned the time over to the congregation to bear our testimonies and no one would get up and they all stared at me and my plan was to compose myself and go at the end but they weren’t having it. so i stood up there and did the ugly cry and said “vnjsdkfbqw ndjksfejkbfwbfew ncjkwefuwbefqk” like in Freaky Friday. oh my gosh. and everyone was crying, too. i will never forget my ryazan and i will pray this week to be able to love my new area just as much–i know i will! 
 
I will be serving in Podolsk (I think that’s how you spell it in English but i have no idea) and it’s about an hour outside of Moscow so it’s still an “outer city” and was part of the Moscow West mission (we combined right before i got here….don’t know if i ever mentioned that) but it’s in the moscow stake which is cool…and my new companion is sister perry and she just finished being trained and that’s all i know about her….she’s super nice and has curly hair like sister daniel.
I have decided that Podolsk is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me because I am going to make it that way. It’s been good for me to have words of comfort come into my mind that i have so often shared with the people here: “sacrifice is just another way the Lord can bless you more than you could ever imagine” “change is the beauty of the Atonement,” etc. and it was so sweet because Raya came to church and Ryazan is all about crowd participation hahaha people just yell things out from the congregation so when Elder Ottley announced I was leaving i had already told raya but she yelled out “Who do I need to talk to to get her to stay?” and when i was bearing my testimony she yelled out, “look at her! she’s crying! can’t she just stay?” haha but it was so sweet because later she repeated words I had told her before: “Why do you have anything to fear? The Lord is with you. He will bless you. He will protect you and you can trust Him” etc. etc. etc. pretty pathetic when your investigator wipes away your tears and comforts you…but i explained that I wasn’t crying because I’m scared…I’m crying because my heart is so filled with love it’s about to BURST and I am so grateful for these people and the impact they’ve had on my life. And it’s such a blessing to pray and ask if the Lord is pleased with the work I have done here and if He accepts my service and to know that I have no regrets. I will work really hard in Podolsk so that I can say the same–and even though it hurts to say goodbye, I won’t hold back in Podolsk and I know that I will get just as attached to them and it will be just as hard to say goodbye to them…but it’s worth it. 
 
Don’t be worried about me! I really am really happy and I feel so much peace about this transfer now that I have lost half my water weight in tears (I wish)…
Elder Hark gave me a blessing right before he left and it reminded me of something you said to me mama about how the reality of God is most evident when priesthood hands are laid on your head. I felt the reality of His love for me and I know that He needs me in Podolsk and I just think about the song, “I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord” and I am anxious to show the Lord that I mean it when I sing that song.
 
Advertisements